The Isolation Diaries: Day 6
Close Your Eyes
Today my parents were sitting at the dining room table with thermometers sticking out their closed lips; meanwhile, I was in the kitchen washing our dirty dinner plates overcome with emotion. A million thoughts and scenarios ran through my mind as I considered what a fever reading would mean.
I imagined myself, “I never expected to become my parent’s caretakers, but in many ways, I think I always knew that was my role. To care for them when they no longer could care for themselves.”
I imagined myself, “It’s strange to have all your grandparents outlive your parents.”
I imagined myself, “I don’t think I’m prepared for this.”
I imagined myself, “To whom does the house and the business belong to if not me?”
I imagined it all in those few seconds and it all formed itself into a tight ball in my throat. I quickly looked away from the two of them and scrubbed at the fried egg stuck to the pan.
I felt dirty having thought such a perverted outcome. I scrubbed at the dishes harder hoping to cleanse the thoughts, the feeling, the imprints of images away.
Their temperatures were normal. A relief for today I guess. My parents are still in and out of the house, unable to sit on a couch or a chair for longer than 20 minutes. Every day there’s a new meal being cooked. The house is being cleaned, again. For the fourth time, today. There’s a walk that needs to be taken. A bike that needs to be ridden. A something that should be bought, but doesn’t, because that would require leaving the house.
My mother goes to work every day, but that’s going to change starting next week. She’s getting fewer hours and a mandatory two-week no paid time leave. Every day my father contemplates driving to the store just so the open sign will be on, just so people won’t forget he and his business exist.
I don’t say much. I know what the concerns are. The worries. I can’t tell them to slow down, to have a seat because when they sit down and have a seat their minds settle and every worry they’ve been pushing away comes to the forefront. I know what they’re thinking because sometimes they’ll let it slip, and I’ll listen not as their daughter, but as a neutral party.
I saw them today, slipping thermometers under their tongue and a life without both of them scared me.
If you want to sign-up for a daily prompt you can sign-up here: http://suleikajaouad.com/the-isolation-journals.
I’m 5 days late, but hey who cares. Also, what’s a prompt Jk I actually have no minds eye so the close your eye and picture stuff is difficult…impossible actually.
